Family Ties

I'm pretty sure you all know these people (face it, some of you ARE these people) but I figured if I complain about one of my boys or something (which is inevitable) you should know who they are. I shall try this without embarrassing anyone unduly - a tough trick since everyone seems to have inherited my childhood shyness & sensitivity.

Andrew, just turned 24, Alex, just turned 20, and Ari, about to turn 15. They are, all three, simply terrific, most of the time. As they've gotten older the caring, loyal, loving, genuinely good guys are coming out in force and the infuriating, frustrating, aggravating little boys are not quite so evident. If you're my "friend" on Facebook, you've seen more photos than they would like, but fewer than I would like! Whoever is supposed to be working, is, and whoever is supposed to be in school, is. I know I'm going to be able to count on them.

Rod - we met in February of 1982, he proposed in February of 1984, and we've been married since July of that year. Since he's a guy, all the adjectives (or maybe they're adverbs?) above have, and will, inevitably apply to him at one time or another. But there is simply no way to say how much of his own stuff he set aside to help me, to sit with me, to sit without me in waiting room after waiting room drinking who knows what quality of coffee, reading and working on his laptop. (For those who care, Englewood H & MC has free wi-fi everywhere.)

He's always there to be the oh-so-necessary second set of ears in a doctor visit, and he knows that many times I won't eat before an appointment simply so I can get a BLT from the hospital cafeteria as a little "reward" for getting myself to go in the first place. I know that whatever is coming, he's going to be the strongest one in the room.

Then there's my dad, who still lives on Cape Cod and who spent much of the last 56 years being the rock of the family and chief caretaker for my mom until she passed away in December of '08. He went through this kind of thing twice with her; both times she did the lumpectomy/radiation thing and was fine. He did a lot of research then, so he knows a lot about this too. He reminds me all the time that Mom's stuff was 20 years ago, so I should remember how much progress they've made since then. I wish I could get him to come here to "Joisey" to visit but every time we get to the Cape we invade the beautiful house he lives in and probably he enjoys the quiet when we're not around! Dad has the distinction, among others of having been veterinarian for all of JFK's pets when the Kennedys were in residence in Hyannisport during the Camelot years. To this day, I think that was SO cool, and really you have to agree, no matter which way your politics lean.

Mike and Jon, my brothers, both still live in Mass. also; I won't invade anyone's privacy by giving more information but suffice it to say they're stand-up guys with wonderful wives, J. & M. (if you don't mind my naming you, then I will), and kids I'm proud to call nieces and nephews. (I think it's not a coincidence we each married someone with the same first initial.) Since they're both still up there, they have taken on more than their share of familial burdens, and I am grateful beyond words.

Rod's sister Lindsay and her husband Paul and two boys live in South Bend, Indiana. We only see them a couple of times a year, but they are both incredibly sane and down to earth, blessed with more than a modicum of common sense, which is really, really helpful in times of stress.

Tom and Maggie McVeigh are two of the most lovely, loving,unpretentious and downright fascinating people I've ever met. They spent 28 years living in Japan, raising Rod and his sister and learning everything they could about the culture and the people. They have traveled all over the world and appreciate theater, opera, and all other forms of artistic endeavor. They have great stories from their years abroad and they have never been less than loving and welcoming to me, their daughter-in-law, for over 25 years. They win the "who's unabashedly prouder of these McVeigh boys" competition. (Let's face it, I was never in the running, really.........)

Non-human family members did, for 13 years, include a miniature poodle named Liza who passed away on the 2nd day of my radiation therapy, Valentine's Day, 2007. For now we're fostering Andrew and Jackie's (Andrew's long-suffering and wonderful girlfriend of over 7 years - Hi Jackie!) two male (twin) chinchillas. They're almost 6 months old, named Mario and Luigi, and again, you can find many, many photos on my Facebook page. Almost every night, they have "playtime" which means while their cage is refreshed I get to be a piece of their furniture while they get the run of our back hallway. They run, they jump, they're very soft and they don't need you like cats don't need you. But when you need a smile, watch a chinchilla play. Honest!

My mother, Elaine, is no longer with us but ever-present. I write about her last because I know she would be at once horrified that I am telling "everyone" what's going on in my life and at the same time thrilled because she always complimented my writing and encouraged me to do so. She herself composed the loveliest notes and poems and I'm sure I got that gene from her. In addition to being intensely private, she was really proud of my annual letters (and to those of you now wondering to the computer screen where the heck my annual letter is - it's coming, soon)and so Mom, I hope this is okay with you. The last time around, you were on the other end of the phone telling me to do what I had to do; face it, and get through it. I'm workin' on that.