Thinking and thinking

I had two kind of (maybe) oddball realizations this week.

First, about the pink: I've always liked pink, but within the past couple of weeks I've gone kind of pink-aholic. When I chose a color of polish for my pre-surgery pedicure - (tastefully) hot pink. My new summer bag - big time pink flowers. I now own a pink mouse for my laptop, a pink notebook cover, pink shoes, pink nightgowns, a pink blog page, a pink robe, pink highlighter, pink heart-shaped Post-Its, pink paper clips, not to mention the four pink bracelets I am wearing. (There were 3, but darling Joan & Iris gifted me with a beautiful pink crystal bracelet with beads spelling out "faith" and a breast cancer ribbon and "hope" charm.)

Do I really love pink that much because people compliment me when I'm wearing it? Maybe. (Doesn't explain the office supplies, though.) Am I buying pink because it's the quintessential "girlie" color and I'm needing to compensate for what feels like the imminent loss of a feature that makes me a "girl?" Hmmmmm...

I'd like to not dwell on that, but trying to ignore the fact that this is a loss is like trying to ignore the fact that somewhere in my "house" is one of those trick buckets of water balanced on a partially open door. Eventually, and when I don't expect it, something is going to go 'splat' on me and I'd like to have an umbrella (and no cracks about a smile being my umbrella - I hear some of you thinking.) Or a poncho. Or a hat. Preferably a pink hat.

Second, there's this rather odd feeling that the closer I get to Monday, the more surreal this whole business seems. As I left my last (for a while) wonderfully soothing chiropractor appointment this afternoon, it just came upon me. I'm torn between wanting it to last (it's kind of nice there in "it's-not-really-happening-land) and wanting to be fully present in my present, so to speak. I don't know if this happens to others in my situation, but it's a very weird thing to be experiencing.

Also in the news this week: Dr. McIntosh's office called my cell at 8 a.m. Wednesday to say that the insurance company had approved the plastic surgeon and would cover his part of the surgery. YAY! And, I had a more pleasant conversation with another nurse from the insurance company yesterday. I was extremely polite, and I could tell she was trying really hard to be helpful. She did not attempt to "educate" me about anything (said I sounded like I had good support around me and was as well prepared as I could be,) and said she'd check in with me next Wednesday or Thursday to see how I was doing.

But first, I've got my dad coming in tomorrow and a birthday to celebrate on Sunday. Good thing the pre-surgery ban on food and drink doesn't start until midnight the night before!