Playing Catch-Up

The last time I wrote was November 11, right after the last drains were out and I was feeling a little "at sea" about how I was going to deal with, well, not dealing with them.  The day before Thanksgiving was my most recent appointment with Dr. D'Amico, and he was very pleased with the progress of the healing and ready to book the next surgery, after the new year.  (Turns out to be January 4.)

  Of course, I asked the inevitable question: "How long do I have to wear these bras?"  His answer (one of those joking, but not really joking responses): "a few months ............ or maybe 2 years."  He says it's hard to know because all the time the bra is on, there's no seroma happening.  Even now that simple, inescapable truth is what keeps me putting the stupid thing on every morning, almost 2 months after surgery.  He did add that I should "wean" myself eventually to 12 hours on, 12 hours off, which is not my own definition of wean (in which case I would end up with it off forever after a few weeks) but he has me well trained by now!  That, combined with his assertion that he has not seen a seroma in years from one of his latissimus dorsi patients, sits foremost in my mind as I hook all 12 hooks and that "wean" thing accompanies my sigh of relief when I unhook them to go to bed.  (That first week of trying NOT to wear the bra were ironic, though.  I'd go to bed without it, wake up a few hours later just knowing that some terrible thing was going to happen, and put it back on. )

I was laboring under a pretty major misconception for a while, I realize now.  Because the October surgery itself was shorter than my June mastectomy surgery, and my hospital stay was the same length, I somehow equated that with a similar, or even shorter, recovery period.  Duh.  For a person who tries to be educated and aware of what's happening to her body, that was a fairly ignorant assumption!  So, for the first month I kept thinking that I ought to feel better, and be less tired, and less sore and it was exactly the opposite.  I said to someone that I expected all of these things "by now" and she said that she didn't, since it was such a major surgery.  Huh.  (close relative of Duh, and not by accident, I think.)

So, as of today there's still enough pain along the long back incision for me to take a couple of Advil three times a day, but not enough for me to succumb to using 1/4 of a pill of Oxycodone (which I keep on hand "just in case.")  And the most "uncomfortable" places are actually below the incision, where I think the latissimus muscle was detached, and where the three drains were placed.  Topside, we're just on the lookout for anything untoward in the ongoing process of healing, but it's numb anyway so bad news/good news.  And the bra itself can only be one size even though I'm currently two, so one side fits and one side is too tight.  (I am SO over the nighttime "missing the bra" thing.  Now it's just a sigh of relief.)  And the damn itch, which I know is a good healing sign, but trying not to scratch reminds me of the chicken pox and German measles I had as a child!

Thanksgiving was lovely; we had 12 for dinner and even with careful planning and Rod taking a star turn in the backbreaking labor department, I spent all the next day in bed (flat on my back for a lot of that.)  Sitting/standing straight for long periods of time is still draining and, depending on the chair, downright painful, but as I look back (in time, not in the mirror) I see that, to quote the Beatles, "I've got to admit it's getting better, getting better all the time."

I won't see Dr. D'Amico again until January 3, to get my markings for my next (and hopefully last) surgery on January 4.  It's out-patient and scheduled to begin at 9:30 a.m. so there is time for me to get the kids to the high school and Rod and I should be back home from the hospital in the early afternoon.  IV sedation (not in my hand, maybe?  we'll see how convincing I can be with the nurse) instead of general anesthesia and no hospital stay.  And maybe - although the doctor won't promise but he was optimistic - no drain.

So far, so good in the tamoxifen side effect department, and I'm hoping to wean (in the real sense of the word) myself off of the sleep aid and the anti-depression medication early in 2011.  Hard to believe it's been less than a year since my diagnosis.  I don't know if this is my subconscious protecting me or what, but it's getting harder to remember what my body was like "before" all this.  However, I'm glad that my "after" picture is getting closer!